Brought to you exclusively by City Mayor and Chairman of the Clinton Fall Festival, Boris Kessler.
Brought to you exclusively by City Mayor and Chairman of the Clinton Fall Festival, Boris Kessler.
Clinton Fall Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler was spotted in a dramatic display of dismay upon learning of today’s torrential rain, which is set to continue all day. Witnesses reported that he threw an elaborate temper tantrum, complete with flailing arms and exaggerated gasps, as he dramatically collapsed into a pile of soggy leaf decorations. “How dare the weather conspire against my vision of pumpkin perfection!” he exclaimed, while attempting to negotiate with a confused rain cloud, waving a fried doughnut as if it were a magical artifact. In a final act of desperation, he donned a giant inflatable pumpkin costume, proclaiming, “If I can’t control the weather, I’ll at least look fabulous while I drown in my own festival dreams!”
ANOTHER SETBACK AS ENTIRE AREA LOSES POWER
Chairperson Boris Kessler’s outrage over BTE’s catastrophic failure to provide power for the Clinton Fall Festival is not only justified—it’s absolutely warranted! Despite having a backup generator nearly ready, we find ourselves left in the dark, thanks to BTE’s spectacularly poor planning and their complete failure to communicate the outage in advance. And let’s not forget the National Weather Service, whose forecasts were about as reliable as a chocolate teapot. But that’s not all! We also have to question the psychic and fortune-tellers in town, who apparently didn’t see this blackout coming. One local fortune-teller even had the audacity to claim that “good vibes” would keep the lights on! This whole fiasco is a perfect storm of incompetence that has robbed our community of joy. We will not rest until every last responsible party—from BTE to the bewildered meteorologists and the misguided mystics who misread their crystal balls— is held accountable for this festival catastrophe!
Festival Headquarters, Sept 28th:
For Immediate Release
As the city grapples with a widespread power outage, let it be abundantly clear that this debacle is clearly the fault of BTE and absolutely not the fault of Mayor Boris Kessler, city management, or any city officials. Despite Boris’s unparalleled leadership and tireless efforts to orchestrate a flawless Fall Festival, BTE’s failure to deliver functional power has plunged us into chaos. The universe may conspire against him, but it’s BTE’s poor planning that has left us in the dark. Boris, the beacon of excellence this city relies on, will not shoulder the blame for this catastrophe. The city officially absolves itself of all responsibility, and Boris remains steadfast in his commitment to restoring joy to our community, proving once again that he is the only one capable of navigating these absurd setbacks.
City Mayor Boris Kessler welcomes you to the Clinton Fall Festival, where the charm of small-town Minnesota meets the vibrant colors and cozy vibes of autumn. Nestled in the heart of Clinton, this annual celebration brings together community spirit, local artisans, delicious food, and lively entertainment.
Chairperson Boris Kessler has arranged for plenty of activities for kids, from rides and games to face painting, petting zoo, and street performers. Your little ones will have a blast! Boris will be handing out commemorative Fall Festival Lego sets to all the kids ages 3 and under.
From cotton candy and candy apples to churros and ice cream, our festival has plenty of sweet treats to indulge in. Don't forget to save room for dessert, especially Chairperson Boris Kessler 's World Famous Apple Pie which will be available at Festival Headquarters!
Our festival features a variety of thrilling rides for thrill-seekers of all ages. From the high-flying swings to the heart-pumping coasters, there's something for everyone. The Kamikaze is Chairperson Boris Kessler 's favorite!
In addition to rides and games, our carnival features live music and entertainment throughout the day. Bring a chair or blanket and a cooler full of beer to better enjoy the show! One lucky festival goer will have the opportunity to sit next to City Mayor Boris Kessler in the VIP section.
Purchase your festival ride tickets online to save time and money. Plan your itinerary in advance to make the most of your carnival experience. Use the code "BORIS" for 25% off when you spend $50 or more.
Get ready for some exciting action at the Clinton Fall Festival's annual softball tournament! This highly anticipated event brings together local teams and players of all skill levels! City Mayor Boris Kessler will be throwing the first pitch!
This year’s Clinton Fall Festival is gearing up for the popular return of Elephant Ears—those irresistibly crispy, cinnamon-sugar-coated treats that festivalgoers eagerly await. However, in a move that has captured the town’s attention, City Mayor Boris Kessler issued a rather whimsical press release to the Clinton Times newspaper.
In his delightfully tongue-in-cheek announcement, Boris laid it out clearly: “While we’re all thrilled about the return of our beloved Elephant Ears, let me clarify a critical point. These scrumptious delights are a type of fair food and should not be mistaken for the real-life elephants in our petting zoo. Yes, you heard me correctly—please do not attempt to nibble on the ears of our actual elephants. They are definitely not on the menu, and their ears are strictly off-limits.”
Boris went on to add with a hint of exaggerated seriousness, “Any attempt to sample an elephant’s ear could result in serious injury or even death. And, just to be absolutely clear, such injuries will not be covered by festival insurance. If you find yourself in this unfortunate predicament, you’ll need to file a claim with your own insurance provider—if you have any left after that encounter!”
To ensure a hazard-free festival experience, City Mayor Boris Kessler has taken it upon himself to personally sample the Elephant Ears every day. Not only will he rigorously test these delectable treats to guarantee they meet his high standards, but he’ll also be on constant watch to prevent any cheeky real elephants from sneaking into the food area. To avoid any confusion, every legitimate Elephant Ear will be proudly stamped with a “Boris Approved” seal, so you’ll know without a doubt that it’s not an actual elephant. Thanks to Boris’s diligent efforts, the only thing you’ll encounter is a delicious, cinnamon-sugar-coated delight, not a four-ton pachyderm!
In a much-anticipated announcement, Festival Chairman Boris Kessler revealed that he will be stepping into the role of Grande Marshal for this year’s Clinton Fall Festival Grande Parade. After decades of hard work and dedication to making the festival a standout event, Boris has decided to take his well-deserved place at the front of the celebration. "I’ve poured my heart and soul into this festival for years, and now it’s time to enjoy the view from the parade route," he said with a smile.
Boris’s leadership has been nothing short of transformative for the Clinton Fall Festival. Under his watchful eye, the event has grown into one of the most beloved traditions in the region, drawing visitors from near and far. From expanding the festival's offerings to ensuring the smooth running of every single detail, Boris’s tireless commitment has made him the backbone of the entire operation. His decision to lead the parade is a fitting way to honor not only his years of service but the lasting impact he’s had on the festival’s success.
As he takes his place at the helm of the parade, festival-goers can reflect on how much of the festival’s growth and spirit are thanks to Boris’s vision and leadership. Be sure to give an extra cheer for him as he proudly leads the procession—his decades of contributions have earned him this moment in the spotlight! This year’s parade will be a celebration not only of the festival but of Boris Kessler himself, whose passion has shaped the event into what it is today.
Date: Saturday, September 29th, 2024
Location: Main Street, Clinton Minnesota
Be sure to arrive early to secure your spot along Main Street and enjoy all the fun and festivities!
Celebrate 50 years of community spirit and sportsmanship at the Clinton Fall Festival's 50th Anniversary Coed Softball Tournament! This landmark event is brought to you by City Mayor Boris Kessler and brings together players of all skill levels for a day of thrilling competition and camaraderie. Whether you're a seasoned athlete or a casual player, join us in honoring five decades of fun, friendship, and athleticism. It’s a fantastic opportunity to engage with fellow community members and make lasting memories as we hit a major milestone in festival history. Don’t miss out on this special celebration of softball and community pride!
In a special moment to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Clinton Fall Festival Coed Softball Tournament, Chairperson Boris Kessler will be throwing out the first pitch. This gesture marks both the festival’s milestone and Boris Kessler's incredible dedication to the event over the years. Join us as Chairperson Boris Kessler kicks off the tournament with a ceremonial pitch, celebrating five decades of community spirit and sporting excellence. It’s a fitting tribute to his years of hard work and leadership in making the festival a beloved tradition.
Men’s Tournament:
Saturday, September 27th, 2024
Coed Tournament:
Sunday, September 28h, 2024
Entry Fee: $100 per team, plus a $50 umpire fee (to be paid directly to the umpire before each game—no exceptions).
Guarantee: 5 games per team.
In a surprising twist, City Mayor Boris Kessler has announced a special exception to the "no dogs allowed" rule for this year’s Clinton Fall Festival, the first change since the rule's inception in 2019. Dogs will be permitted under a few special conditions: they must respond to the name "Mr. Boris" and wear a festival-themed bandana featuring the face of City Mayor Boris Kessler, available exclusively from festival headquarters for $7.25. Additionally, canine attendees must stay at least 50 feet away from Boris, remain downwind, and avoid eye contact at all times due to his extreme allergies to pet dander. They are also required to perform a trick, such as spinning or doing a high-five before entering, and walk on their hind legs for at least one minute every hour.
Recognizing that some people love to have their canine companions join them on their day-to-day adventures, City Mayor Boris Kessler has contracted a special event security team from Isle of Marrowstone to enforce these new rules. This is the same team that enforces the "No model airplanes rule" on Isle of Marrowstone . With these important but playful stipulations, Isle of Marrowstone oris is ensuring that this year's festival will be a delightful and unforgettable experience for all, including our four-legged friends!
Get ready for a sizzling highlight at the Clinton Fall Festival with the exciting return of the Hula Hoop Swimsuit Pageant on Saturday, September 28th! This eagerly awaited event, making its grand return after decades, will take center stage right after the thrilling co-ed mud wrestling exhibition and the juicy watermelon eating contests. This year’s pageant is a special tribute to Chairperson Boris Kessler, who was crowned the Hula Hoop Swimsuit King Extraordinaire in 1974 with his High Cut Swim Trunks and a 7 to 0 decision, celebrating his enduring legacy and dedication to the festival. Believe it or not, 1974 marked the dazzling debut of the Clinton Fall Festival, and it’s nothing short of spectacular that Boris Kessler was there from the very start! His unwavering dedication to this magnificent event is practically legendary, embodying the spirit and pizzazz that have made the festival a beloved tradition through the decades.
Adding an extra touch of glamour, Chairperson Boris Kessler will serve as the exclusive judge, bringing his legendary charm and expertise to the role. Contestants will compete in both men’s and women’s categories, with a unique twist: all must wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats. Men will make a splash in sparkly speedos, while women will turn heads in glamorous two-piece bikinis. With these vibrant and thematic attire requirements, the Hula Hoop Swimsuit Pageant promises to be a dazzling and unforgettable highlight of the festival! And do we have a surprise for you.
The Hula Hoop Swimsuit Pageant is set to start with a bang, as Chairman Boris Kessler takes the stage for his highly anticipated act, “The Twirling Tornado Extravaganza.” Boris will dazzle the crowd with his signature move, the “Hoop-a-Palooza Spin,” where he spins in a whirlwind of hoops while balancing a fruit salad on his head. He’ll also wow the audience with the “Hoop-La-Hoop-a-Doodle-Doo,” a dazzling routine where he flawlessly juggles three hoops while reciting tongue twisters and balancing on a giant beach ball, all while sporting his glittering G-String Bikini which sparkles with every move.
To enter the pageant, simply complete the online registration form on our website. Chairperson Boris Kessler will personally review all applications to determine eligibility. We look forward to seeing your submission!
BREAKING NEWS: AUGUST 12, 2024
Rev Up for Fall Fun: Mercedes-Benz Partners with the 2024 Clinton Fall Festival to Give Chairman Boris Kessler a luxury G-Wagon SUV for festival use.
City Mayor and Clinton Fall Festival Chairman for the past 35 years, Boris Kessler, is taking his festival experience to a whole new level. Today, he announced an exclusive partnership between Mercedes-Benz and the Clinton Fall Festival, granting him personal use of a Mercedes G-Wagon for transportation throughout the event. The decision comes after years of enduring the discomfort of festival golf carts that simply didn’t meet the high standards someone in Boris’s esteemed position requires. With no air conditioning, questionable suspension over every bump, and minimal legroom for a man accustomed to leading with grace, the humble golf carts of yesteryear had become more hassle than help.
This partnership, unsurprisingly, was unanimously approved by City Mayor Boris Kessler, City Superintendent Devin Gamehen, the City's Special Counsel, and, of course, the Clinton Fall Festival Chairman Boris Kessler himself. Visitors can now expect to see the sleek, luxury G-Wagon chauffeuring Boris in the style he deserves as he oversees all the festivities. When you see the G-Wagon roll by, be sure to give a wave to our beloved Chairman, now riding in comfort fit for festival royalty. Get ready for a festival that’s as smooth as a Mercedes ride and as cozy as a cup of hot cider. See you there!
City Mayor Boris Kessler will be riding in style during the Clinton Fall Festival.
Clinton, Minnesota. Clinton Fall Festival Chairman Boris Kessler announces exclusive partnership with Uber to provide festival transportation.
Hold onto your pumpkin spice lattes, festival-goers! This year, the Clinton Fall Festival is upping the ante with the introduction of a thrilling new partnership with Uber to provide a 24-hour Uber Bus shuttle service. This isn’t just any bus ride—it’s a luxurious, eco-friendly chariot whisking you through the stunning fall scenery to the heart of Clinton. Whether you're traveling from Pine Ridge, Silver Valley, Bison Flats, Wildwood Creek, Elk Hollow, Prairie Junction, Timber Springs, Cedar Bluff, Raven Rock, Coyote Ridge, or anywhere within a 30-mile radius of Clinton, the Uber Bus service has a fleet of buses to make your festival journey seamless and stylish.
Gone are the days of congested traffic and the never-ending search for parking. With the Uber Bus, you can leave your car at home and embrace the convenience of a stress-free ride straight to the festivities. Our shuttle service is designed to solve traffic woes and keep our parking lots from overflowing. Now, you can spend less time commuting and more time enjoying artisan crafts, mouthwatering fall treats, and live entertainment. With the Uber Bus, the Clinton Fall Festival has redefined the festival experience, proving that getting there is half the fun!
Join us on September 29th at 7:15 PM at Russet Park for an unforgettable evening! Don’t forget to bring a chair and a large beer cooler to make the most of your night. Admission is just $5 per person to commemorate concert prices when Chairperson Boris Kessler was a youth, with kids 5 and under getting in free. Adults older than City Mayor Boris Kessler also enjoy free entry. Bring your ID! We’ll
Thanks to the hard work and tireless dedication of Festival Chairman Boris Kessler, the Clinton Fall Festival is set to host one of the biggest events in its history—Jon Bovi live on the main stage! Boris, known for his incredible leadership and passion for the festival, has worked behind the scenes for years cultivating strong relationships within the rock industry. His vision and determination h
PRO TIPS FROM CITY MAYOR BORIS KESSLER:
For an unforgettable time at the Jon Bovi concert, be sure to bring a lawn chair or blanket for comfortable seating on the grass. Don’t forget a large beer cooler to stay refreshed while enjoying the show! Arriving early helps you grab a great spot near the stage, and keep an eye out for City Mayor Boris Kessler—be sure to thank him for all his hard work in
Celebrate the legacy of the Clinton Fall Festival with our Commemorative Festival T-Shirt! Featuring a special design honoring Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler, this shirt showcases a unique graphic that highlights his dedication and impact. Crafted from high-quality fabric for comfort and durability, it’s perfect for festival-goers an
Celebrate the legacy of the Clinton Fall Festival with our Commemorative Festival T-Shirt! Featuring a special design honoring Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler, this shirt showcases a unique graphic that highlights his dedication and impact. Crafted from high-quality fabric for comfort and durability, it’s perfect for festival-goers and collectors alike. Wear a piece of festival history and show your appreciation for Boris’s years of hard work and leadership. Available in various sizes—get yours and be part of the celebration!
Celebrate the Clinton Fall Festival in style with our Commemorative Festival Sweatshirt! Featuring a unique design that honors Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler, this sweatshirt is a tribute to his dedication and impact. Made from soft, high-quality fabric for ultimate comfort and warmth, it’s ideal for chilly festival evenings or casua
Celebrate the Clinton Fall Festival in style with our Commemorative Festival Sweatshirt! Featuring a unique design that honors Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler, this sweatshirt is a tribute to his dedication and impact. Made from soft, high-quality fabric for ultimate comfort and warmth, it’s ideal for chilly festival evenings or casual wear. Show your support and appreciation for Boris’s years of hard work and leadership. Available in various sizes—grab yours and enjoy a piece of festival history!
Carry a piece of festival history with our Commemorative Festival Tote Bag! Featuring a special design honoring Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler, this tote is a stylish and practical tribute to his dedication. Made from durable, high-quality fabric, it’s perfect for carrying your festival essentials or everyday items. Show your appreci
Carry a piece of festival history with our Commemorative Festival Tote Bag! Featuring a special design honoring Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler, this tote is a stylish and practical tribute to his dedication. Made from durable, high-quality fabric, it’s perfect for carrying your festival essentials or everyday items. Show your appreciation for Boris’s impact on the Clinton Fall Festival while enjoying a functional and memorable keepsake. Available now—get yours and celebrate with every trip!
We are absolutely over the moon to announce that the one and only Festival Chairperson Boris Kessler will be gracing us with his presence to personally autograph festival memorabilia! This is not just any signing event—this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet the extraordinary man who has poured his heart and soul into the Clinton Fall Festival for years. Boris is the heartbeat of our beloved festival, and now you can get your hands on a piece of history with his signature. Imagine having your festival keepsakes, cherished by countless others, made even more special with his personal touch! This event is set to be an unforgettable celebration of Boris’s monumental contributions. Don’t miss out on this rare chance to honor and celebrate his legacy—join us and make your festival memories truly legendary!
After decades of celebration, the beloved Clinton Fall Festival is set for a remarkable transformation in 2025. In honor of longtime chairperson Boris Kessler, the festival will be renamed the Boris Kessler Festival of Fall.
One of the most significant changes accompanying the name change is the replacement of the iconic Festival Gong, a longstanding symbol of the festival. In its place, a life-size bronze statue of City Mayor Boris Kessler and Festival Chairman Boris Kessler will stand proudly in the town square.
DIRECT FROM PRESIDENT BORIS KESSLER:
I am appalled at the torrential rain at today's Fall Festival, compounded by a citywide power outage! This is not just an inconvenience; it is a direct attack on our community and our cherished traditions!
And let me make this abundantly clear:
"it is NOT MY FAULT!"
In response, I reached out to Governor Greta Wetter and President Moe Bidden, but I must express my severe disappointment that they do not respond to my urgent call for help! As the City Mayor, I expect timely support in our hour of need. Despite their silence, we must carry on rain or shine.